Do you believe in Father Christmas? 3 steps to change your limiting beliefs

Only 14 more sleeps until the jolly man in a red suit with a white beard loads up his sleigh and then he will be pulled by his reindeer across the whole world stopping off at every little boy and girl’s house to climb down the chimney and deliver presents.

What a fantastic story! We are told this story when we are young by our parents and it is reinforced by others around us and we believe in Father Christmas fora number of years, don’t we? 

And this is human nature, we believe the things that we are told at an early age and they shape our lives for the future; often those beliefs are empowering and sometimes they can be limiting.

When I was young, my parents used to say to me “those that ask don’t get”.  The intention was to stop me as a child saying “I want this for Christmas” or “I want that for Christmas”.  The impact it had was to create a limiting belief in my mind that if I asked for something, I wouldn’t get it and this influenced the way I went about my life in many ways.

Firstly, I would not ask for help even when I needed it; I would battle through trying to manage on my own and thought that if I asked for help, I wouldn’t get it.

Secondly, I would not explicitly say what I wanted or needed emotionally in certain situations (and still find it difficult); I would expect others, especially, my husband to know what I wanted and then get annoyed when I didn’t get the right response.

Thirdly, I have often found it difficult in my career and business to go and ask for what I want or felt I deserved; maybe a promotion, a pay rise or sometimes telling someone the prices I charge for my coaching or training courses.

This is just one example of a belief that has limited me for a number of years. I applied it to all aspects of my life and ignored the context of the original short comment.

And I hear this so often when working with my clients. In exploring hwat is holding them back from achieving what they want, we usually discover that there is a belief that is limiting them which they have held for many years.  We discuss where it came from and the emotions that go with it.  My clients will say things like “I’m worried what others will think and that they won’t like it”, “Life is not fair, I’ll never get a promotion” or possibly “I don’t know what to do because I’m not clever enough”

Becoming aware of the limiting belief is like a weight being lifted which is really good but the next question is, “how can you get rid of it”?   

The answer is a similar approach to the way you decided Father Christmas was not real!  You reflect and find evidence to prove it otherwise; like asking an older sibling or staying awake to find evidence to prove or disprove your new theory.

The approach I use to ditching limiting beleifs I call the 3Rs.

  1. Reflect – acknowledge the limiting belief and notice the emotion that goes with it. Think about how that approach is serving you (or more likely not serving you.)
  2. Reframe – as you think about that limiting belief stopping you from achieving, think about someone you admire and respect.  Imagine you are that other person and talk to an imaginary you. What would that person say to you in this context?
  3. React –empower yourself by finding evidence to disprove the belief (because normally we focus on the evidence to prove it) and write it down.

If you feed the negative belief, it will keep growing!  So feed an empowering belief instead through positive self-talk and positive affirmations of empowering statements and you will change that belief.  And, when that happens, notice how much more evidence you find to support this new belief too.

What is holding you back? Find out more about how to build the life you want by becoming a NLP Practitioner.  Join in me in 2019 and make it your best year yet.  Just 6 days to change your life!  Sign up here for what is truly a one-time offer. https://nlp-prac-jan18.eventbrite.co.uk.

If you want to know more about NLP and how it can help you,then sign up to my newsletter or contact me for a free coaching consultation at www.tracywardcoaching.co.uk.

See you in 2019!

Tracy Ward,

Your Catalyst for Change

A simple technique to turn dreams into reality.

How many dreams or great ideas have you ever had and…never followed through?

In memory of Walt Disney whose birthday is today, I thought I would share a simple NLP Technique called the Disney Model; it is based on an approach Walt Disney used when considering how to bring his dreams to reality – and he certainly succeeded didn’t he?

Imagine you have just purchased a cupboard of flat pack furniture; if you attempted to put it together without checking the instructions at all you may end up with bits left over at the end or something that really doesn’t look like the picture on the box.

This can be a similar problem with our dreams or ideas; if we don’t think through the different aspects we may not take the right action or may not achieve what we really want.

The Disney Strategy Model is a very simple approach.  It was developed as a NLP tool by NLP pioneer Robert Dilts who said, “Walt Disney’s ability to connect his innovative creativity with successful business strategy and popular appeal certainly qualifies him as a genius in the field of entertainment. In a way, Disney’s chosen medium of expression, the animated film, characterizes the fundamental process of all genius: the ability to take something that exists in the imagination only and forge it into a physical existence that directly influences the experience of others in a positive way.”

 

When Walt Disney had a plan for a new film he would consider it from 3 perspectives; the Dreamer, the Realist and the Critic and he would use each of these 3 styles one after the other.

Habitually, we will muddle the 3 levels of thinking and therefore this creates confusion, doubt and therefore often limited or no action.  This approach helps to clarify thinking whether for an individual goal or whether for a team and each role should be done in a separate space or location within the room and sequentially.

Step 1 – The Dreamer

This is the first position; the creative position.  Usually creative ideas start with passion and excitement and then are quelled by problems.  In this position though, it is only creative ideas that are brought to the table.  Let your imagination run free, imagine how it will be when achieved and the benefits of doing it.

Step 2 – The Realist

Move to a second position where you consider what needs to happen to turn the dream into a reality.  The aim is to find ways to make it happen and, again, do not be put off by considering blockers, just focus on what has to happen and generate a high level plan to make it happen.

Step 3 – The Critic

Move to the third position and act as the Constructive Critic.  Here you test the plan and look for flaws and loopholes that mean the plan may not work. In Critic role you only interact with the Planner – not with the Dreamer.  Search for weaknesses in the plan and how to pre-empt problems to ensure success but leave the resolution of these to the Planner.

Step 4 – Step Outside

Step into a fourth position and review what you have done so far and how well you are approaching each role.  Are you really challeging yourself in each role? Some roles are more naturual for us than others so consider whether there are any improvements to be made.

Step 5 – Recycle

Depending on the complexity of the goal you may need to recycle through the Realist and Critic stages until you are certain that the plan can be achieved.  The dream need not change, just the way to achieve it!

 

As a NLP Coach and Trainer using this technique works with in different client settings.  It helps with the process of generating creative ideas and translating them into reality by providing a greater clarity of ideas and making the dreams more achievable rather than feeling overwhelming.

How will you use it?

 

If you want to know more about NLP and how it can help you in your perosnal life or your business, then sign up to my newsletter or book yourself on one of my courses at www.tracywardcoaching.co.uk

Tracy Ward,

Your Catalyst for Change

 

“Have you got around to it yet? Or are you still putting it off?”

Today, I weeded the garden.  Not a big deal you might say but I’d been putting it off and putting it off.

I didn’t want to do it and the weeds were growing bigger and bigger and the problem got bigger and bigger in my mind too.

Each time I left the house or came home, I would see the weeds taking over the front garden and when I looked out of the kitchen window I would see them strangling the flowers in the back garden and I would get annoyed with myself that I had not tackled the job.  I would say things like “I really should pull those weeds out” or “I must do that weeding soon”.  And yet saying these things were not motivating me to do the job!

3 tips to doing those jobs you don’t want to do.

  • Focus on the outcome. I was thinking about the problem; the job of weeding and I was putting pressure on myself to do the work by saying “I should” or “I must”.  When you change your thinking to being outcome focussed, then the job is not so difficult.  I focussed on how it would be when I was able to look out of the kitchen window and see the flowers flourishing and how it would be to notice the plants when I came home rather than the weeds.  When you think about the outcome, there is more motivation to get the work done.
  • How can you make it easier? It was a lovely sunny day so it would be far more enjoyable spending the time in the garden today rather than another day when it is cold or wet.  So I decided that it would be worth getting some Vitamin D and play some music while I was doing the job.  Both of those things made it a more enjoyable task.
  • Who can help or keep you company? If you can find somebody to do the work with and keep you company; that makes the job easier too.  I suggested to my hubby that we could get it done twice as quickly together and then we could go and do what we wanted.

In the end, it really didn’t take very long.  It was actually the thought of doing it that was worse.  Once you take the first step, it’s not so bad.

What are you not doing?  What are you putting off? Use these 3 tips to focus your mind on getting those things done that you haven’t got around to doing yet!

 

Do you want to find out how to take control of your life and take responsibility for what you really want!

If you would like to understand more about how NLP can help, sign up to my website or come along to one of my events.  Like riding a bike, you can learn how to do it by reading a book, you can listen to a webinar but the real power of NLP is in experiencing it for yourself.

So come and give it a go and Discover the Power of You!

 

Tracy Ward

Tracy Ward; Your Catalyst for Change

www.tracywardcoaching.co.uk/events

 

“Golf – A game of mindset; just like life”

Whilst watching the Ryder Cup over the weekend, I thought “Wow, golf is a game of mindset” and I thought about how it is a metaphor for life in general.

With most sports you don’t have time to think, it is about reacting in the moment. It may be that the ball is moving or your opponent is moving and so this impacts on how you play the game. In golf, your opponent’s successes or failures may influence your choice of shot in a match play situation but you always have plenty of time to focus on what shot to play and how to play it. This is one of the reasons golf is a very difficult game to play because you need to handle the pressure, your emotions and manage your mindset.

I learned to play golf 30 years ago and the first time I played on a proper course with other people, my first tee shot was a real shocker; it landed on the 18th green and people were putting on it! That would not have been so bad except there were lots of players waiting to follow us and there were a number of “tuts” from those around me. My confidence was completely knocked and since that time, I would be very nervous on the first tee and whenever I did a bad shot I would imagine “tuts” from others and I would question whether I was good enough to be on the golf course.

This would then spiral into other negative emotions where I would start to curse, maybe swear, maybe even throw my clubs around and then I would get very angry with myself and my bad behaviour. It almost became a ritual. It seemed that I would have to go through that negative process before I could start to accept that it was just a game and a bit of fun and then I seemed to play better.

So how can you manage your mindset and your emotions on the golf course?

Here are 3 tips to manage your mindset on the golf course which are just as valuable in eveyday life

1)     Reduce the tension. If you are carrying tension in your body, particularly the top half, it is very difficult to connect with the ball in the correct place and at the right angle. So focus on taking a deep breath before you step up to take your shot and shrug your shoulders and then push them down and purposefully relaxing any tension in the shoulders.  Such simple actions with a huge impact and notice how much cleaner you strike the ball.

2)     Focus on the target; fairways and greens. So often I hear my golfing colleagues say, “I always go in that bunker on this hole” or “I can never get it over the water”.  You may think “I keep slicing it”. When you comment on the hazards, it draws attention to them so they are in your mind and your unconscious will focus on going in the bunker or the water (the same for your slice). So keep your attention on the fairways and greens and visualise the flight of the ball and where you want to pitch the ball. Your unconscious will aim to deliver that through the correct physical swing.

3)     Concentrate on the present. Once you have a done a poor shot (and we all will!) it is important to change the attention to what you can control at that moment. Firstly, your emotions by controlling your breathing and walking tall to keep a feeling of confidence. Then, you can focus on what you can do with your next shot. I always have a few sayings to myself such as “This looks like a good skills test” as that helps me to focus on what I have to do.

So when your game is a bit awry ask yourself “What can I do about that?” The more you are able to let go of the mistakes you have made, forget the impact that may have on your score and focus purely on the present the stronger your game will be.

The person who can maintain their thoughts in the present throughout the 18 holes or the competition is the one who is likely to rise above the rest.

And it is the same approach to take for life in general.

If you want to know more about managing your mindset, please contact me

Tracy Ward

Your Catalyst for Change

 

 

Changing your habits and behaviour – make it easier by asking yourself these 3 questions

 

by Tracy Ward, Your Catalyst for Change

What would you like to change?

We all have things in life that we would like to change whether it is what we eat, our fitness regime or the way we shout at the kids when they press that button.  Yes, you know the button I’m referring to!

Change is such a simple word and yet sometimes it can be the hardest thing to do!  When a habit is ingrained or one that you have followed for a long time, it can be very difficult to change that behaviour.

Think about when you get dressed which sock you put on first or which leg you put in your pants first and then try and do the other leg.  It seems so alien doesn’t it?  That’s because it’s a strategy that you have been employing for a long, long time.  When it comes to other behaviours it can be even more difficult.

All of our behaviours serve an important purpose.  You may not understand what they are and they may be outmoded but there is always some form of benefit to us; a deeper emotional benefit.  To be able to change behaviour, it is not enough to logically say “I must go to the gym” or “I’m going to stop eating cake” or “No more shouting at the kids” we need to find the emotional trigger to support you to change and ensure that the original purpose is still met.

 

Before you embark on any change ask yourself these 3 questions to aid success:-

  1. Why do you want to change? Ask yourself what is the reason or purpose to change.  You may think that it is obvious to want to be more healthy (the logical reason) and then we miss the real emotional attachment for change.  So think about how you will be when you have made this change – what will you see, what will you hear and what will you feel?  How will you know that you have made the change successfully? What will others say to you?
  2. What does the current behaviour do for you? Ask yourself what do you enjoy about your current behaviour that you won’t be able to do? How could this current behaviour be of benefit to you or others around you? What are you not doing that you don’t want to do and would have to do if you changed your behaviour?
  3. How can I make the change easier? Ask yourself what one step can I take towards this change? What small steps can I take on the right path rather than a complete overhaul? Who can keep me accountable?  Or even better, who can keep me company?

Once you have answered these questions carefully and honestly and once you embark on the journey of change, it is important to remember the 3 P’s:-

Patience – We are a culture requiring instant gratification and so if we cannot change immediately we may give up.  Remember change will only happen at the pace that is right for you.  So be gentle on yourself and have compassion if there are a few slip ups on the way.

Persistence – If the change is worth doing, it is worth persisting.  It can feel uncomfortable and when it feels like that, focus a little more on those feelings and you will be amazed what you can learn about yourself which will actually help you on your change journey.

Perseverance – It is natural for there to be setbacks and in those times notice the progress you are making rather than focus on the setback and consider your personal change as being about continuous improvement and moving cloer to your goal every day.

So what do you want to change? What have you tried to change or have put off because it seems too difficult?

Remember, changing behaviours can be easy.  There is no magic wand but with the right purpose and motivation you can put change in motion and once you start and you notice the benefits and reap the rewards, it becomes easier and easier!

Tracy Ward, Your Catalyst for Change

 

www.tracywardcoaching.co.uk

Are you a winner or a loser? This is how you can lose in style.

Over many years, I have played a lot of competitive sport and I was always very keen to win.  I know most sports people want to win but for me winning was of utmost importance because I thought it made be a better person and I was definitely a sore loser.

We all know sore losers don’t we?  We have all seen or hear of those people that throw their equipment around, curse and swear or even end up in a punch up with the opposition.  You cannot play your best sport when you are so wound up that you cannot control your emotions.  And how does that behaviour help them?  The result can be fines, points deducted or being sent off and yet none of that helps the cause of winning the game and you can earn the name of the bad guy and then the referee or umpire will keep an even closer eye on you and be waiting for you to slip up.

And then there are those that after the game will explain all the reasons why they lost.  Often it can be the referee’s fault but how about “the ball was too bouncy”, “the frogs croaking kept us up last night” or “my pants were too tight” (Yes these are all excuses that have been used for losing!)  And when I hear such excuses I would think that they are a sore loser and to just accept that they were better than you on the day.

So be honest, are you ever like that?  And are you aware what other may be saying about you or worst still thinking about you and not telling you to your face?

 

Yesterday, I played in the Suffolk Golf Club knockout championship completion called the Cranworth.  The Bramford Golf Centre Chix with Stix had made it to the semi-final and we were hoping to beat Ipswich Golf Club into the final. It was a tough day playing 36 holes in the wind and rain at Felixstowe.  My expectation was that Ipswich would be very determined to win and would be extremely pedantic on rulings and have an air of being better than our team who were new to this competition and really any competition.

How wrong I was!  Although the 9 matches were all very close, the games that I was involved in were played in a wonderful spirit of fairness, enjoyment and admiration of good golf.

We didn’t win and all credit to Ipswich; they took their chances at the right times with at least 3 matches going down to the last hole and if they had gone our way the result would have been different.  Although our team lost and were obviously very disappointed, I can reflect on the amazing run we have had to get so far in our first year and I accept that maybe:-

  • They were better on the day
  • Their experience helped them at the time that really mattered
  • They found that extra little bit, that second wind when everyone was feeling tired (and battered by the wind and rain)

It reminds me of the Swiss tennis player Stanislas Wawrinka who had a tattoo on his arm.  It is a quote from the Irish poet Samuel Beckett.

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”

As the Swiss number 2 tennis player behind Roger Federer for so long and knowing that there is only one winner in each tournament , he needed to accept that there would be many losses, that there would be disappointment and there would be heartache.  He also knew it was important to maintain a positive outlook on his life and tennis and that the meaning of the quote does not change know matter how well you do.

 

In our golf match I didn’t see any equipment being thrown or any punch ups.  There may have been some curses under the breath by both sides but I have not heard of any lame excuses after the event for losing.

I think that the Chix with Stix were magnanimous in defeat and we all recognise that Ipswich pipped us on the day.  I hope that the Ipswich Ladies will remember our spirit of fair play, our sense of fun and our recognition and admiration of good golf. We have all learned from the amazing experience.

I know I will remember the thrill of the competitive matches and the friendly atmosphere when a place in the final was at stake.  I will also remember that because of my own personal development I was able to put aside the utmost importance of winning and to maintain my composure under pressure to sink those knee-trembling putts when it really counted.

 

Are you controlling your emotions in your sport or your daily life? Or are your emotions controlling you?  Are you ready now to control your emotions and find out how you can be more composed under pressure? Or are you ready now to change your mind-set to “try again and fail better”?

If you answered “Yes” to either of these questions, find out how I can help you and contact me

Tracy Ward, Your Catalyst for Change.

What makes you come alive? Are you following your passion?

Can you believe we are in August already? This year seems to be racing past like an express train and this week I caught myself thinking about what I didn’t do in July as I had planned.

This happens sometimes when I get caught up in everyday life, I focus on what I still have to do or what I haven’t done yet rather than what I have already achieved.   Do you ever think like this?

When I realised how I was judging my performance, I decided to follow my own advice and think about what I have achieved in the last month and I was really quite amazed (and rather proud!). It made me appreciate that although I have not ticked off everything on my to-do list, what I have been doing what makes me come alive; sharing my knowledge, skills and experiences to help others be the best they can be and succeed in what they are passionate about.

In July I have helped a few individual clients and supported a number of local schools with their career days.  It was particularly funny when I explained to a young lad that I was a Life Coach and he asked me “Were you in Baywatch?”

Alongside helping individual clients and supporting 2 local schools in career days, I have worked with my good friend Su Hayward to develop and run a Psychology Club at Springfield Junior School.  We had some fantastic feedback including “This is one of the best After School Clubs because we get to squish brains”.

I have run a workshop on Unconscious Bias for Camp Evolution in Epping run by Ezi O for a group of children ranging from 7 to 14 years old and they were fantastic.  They enjoyed guessing some facts about me and fell into the Unconscious Bias trap of assuming that I enjoy going to Bingo each week and that I would not want to go and see the new Winnie the Pooh movie – how wrong they were!

And I have also delivered another of my flagship NLP Discovery Days at Bramford Golf Club where another group of people came to “Discover the Power of You” and learned techniques that they can take forward to use on a day to day basis to manage their own state and help others.

Are you following your passion?  I watched this Tedx talk the other day and thought I would share it with you.  It asks “What makes you come alive?”  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcMyX5R4dzs.

Why not spend a few minutes watching and then reflecting on what you have achieved recently and how this fits with your passion.   Use your Wheel of Life (sign up via the website again if you don’t have one!) and determine how balanced your life is now and whether your focus is in the right place to help you “come alive”.  And when you imagine that you are living that passion, notice what you see, what you hear and how that makes you feel.

What are you passionate about?  And what roadblocks are you facing that are preventing you from attaining that? I am able to help you explore ways of following your passion and as your Catalyst for Change I can help you flatten those roadblocks and find your path to achieving your passion and Coming Alive.

Tracy

Your Catalyst for Change

Change your words and change your world!

How often do you hear the words, “You wouldn’t believe what happened to me today…” followed by all the problems they faced?

Our language is such an integral part of our life, we take it for granted.  We use it all the time to communicate and when you really pay attention to it you realise that the language you use shapes your world.

So, when you want to change your world, change your words.

You wouldn’t believe what happened to me today…I got up late because the alarm didn’t go off. I had to have a cold shower because the boiler has gone on the blink. I got to the station and just missed my train and I was late in to work for my meeting. I stopped for my usual coffee and as I left the shop someone bumped into me and I spilt half of it.  And all of that was before I started work!

All this story does is focus on the negatives and the misery of the morning and bypasses any positive aspect of the morning.  Imagine thinking like this all the time; it will have a profound effect on your state, your behaviour and subsequently your future experiences.

Experiment with Reframing

A simple approach called Reframing can help change your attitude.  Reframing is like taking an old photograph and putting it in a new frame, this changes how photograph looks.

To do this, reflect on what you can be grateful for and how any misfortune could be considered an opportunity.

  • I got up late because the alarm didn’t go off  ->  I am fortunate to wake up and enjoy another day in my life
  • I had to have a cold shower because the boiler has gone on the blink  ->  I am fortunate to live in a place where clean running water is always available
  • I got to the station and just missed my train  -> I was able to get a seat on the next train
  • I was late in to work for my meeting  -> This gave my colleague the opportunity to step up and cover for me.
  • Someone bumped into me and I spilt half of it  -> At least I still had half of my coffee!

 

It is a simple approach yet it takes practice if this is not something that comes naturally.  If it does seem a bit tricky at first, imagine what you would say to a loved one or best friend who was talking in this way.

Also, remember you have a choice.  You can choose whether to let those things outside of your control affect you or you can choose to focus on what you can control – your mind-set.

Start with the premise that Life is Good and look through those glasses – they can even be rose-tinted if you like.  When you do that it saves you a lot of stress, anxiety and frustration.  Any other approach is only hurting yourself!

What are you going to do differently now?  Your future world is in your hands…

 

If you would like to understand more, sign up to my website or come along to one of my events.  Like riding a bike, you can learn how to do it by reading a book, you can listen to a webinar but the real power of NLP is in experiencing it for yourself.

So come and give it a go and Discover the Power of You!

Tracy Ward, Your Catalyst for Change