Do you find certain people difficult to build relationship with? Do you struggle to deal with conflict? Do you want to win friends and influence people? Or do you just want to be the best version of you? If you do, keep reading to find out what NLP can do for YOU!
It was only a few years ago that I was introduced to NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and it was one of those freak mistakes that took me on the first small steps of my NLP journey. I hit the wrong button on my laptop and then realised that I had booked onto a free NLP Foundation weekend. It was a freak mistake and the best mistake I had ever made.
I had not heard of NLP and certainly did not understand what it meant. “Neuro Linguistic Programming” – I understood all of the words individually but did not understand the overall concept. I wanted a definition that I could grasp and be able to articulate to others.
Perhaps it is the fact that there is not one specific definition. Perhaps it is because the tools can be used in so many different situations or contexts. Perhaps it is because it can have such amazing and varied impacts. In fact, it is probably a combination of these things that has meant I have found it very difficult to explain the meaning of NLP in simple terms that everyone can appreciate. This is the challenge for this series of articles.
I consider NLP under 3 categories each of which will I am publishing separately:
1) Understanding our brain’s language
2) Communicating effectively and building relationships
3) Modelling excellence
Communicating Effectively and Building Relationships
In the last article “Discover NLP and Learn to Speak Brain” I explained how we all have our own individual filing cabinet within our brain that has been wired based on our personal experiences. Once you understand how the brain is wired, it becomes easier to understand that other people’s brains are wired differently. So, if we follow some of the basic principles or beliefs of NLP it becomes easier to build relationships which are important to us.
Such principles of NLP include:
1. Having respect for the other person’s map of the world
2. People are doing the best they can with the resources they have available
3. The effectiveness of your communication is in the response you get
We all build our beliefs based on our personal experiences which create our own “map of the world” or our own viewpoint and belief system. If you are to put aside the beliefs that you hold and follow the NLP principle of having respect for the person’s map of the world, you will notice that your ability to communicate and engage with others improves because you are listening to understand their point of view rather than listening to reply.
Recognising that people are doing the best they can with the resources they have available, will open your mind to respond in a different manner to the one programmed by your own beliefs. Maybe that person who cut you up at the roundabout this morning, was truly lost, already late for an appointment, feeling anxious and really did not see you. Perhaps, your colleague at work was preoccupied with how to deal with a difficult client and did not hear you speak to him. When you follow this principle, it means you are thinking about the other person rather than yourself and you consider a different perspective.
As explained, we build our own personal meaning about experiences or events and these also create a bias in the words we use; this results in our expressions impacting people in a different way to that intended. While your intention may be clear to you, it is the other person’s interpretation and response that reflects your effectiveness. By taking complete responsibility for your communication and believing that “the effectiveness of your communication is in the response you get” then you will find a way to ensure that the other person understands your meaning and notice then how your relationships improve.
Learning about NLP also develops additional skills enabling you to read other people’s programming through their language and also through their non-verbal communication including physiology and tone. This can then help you to build rapport and develop quality relationships based on trust.
How can this help me?
- You will understand the impact of your communication on others and learn tools to influence others.
- You will learn how to build rapport and long term relationships with different people even those you currently find difficult to get on with.
- You will discover how to manage conflict to achieve win-win results to the mutual benefit of both parties.Do you have relationships that could be improved? Negative relationships can be draining as you dwell on what was said and perhaps worry about the next episode. How would it be if you could communicate better and build productive relationships? Relationships and connections affect our lives immensely; positive and supportive relationships make us feel happy, healthy and satisfied.
If you would like to understand more, sign up to my website or come along to one of my events. Like riding a bike, you can learn how to do it by reading a book, you can listen to a webinar but the real power of NLP is in experiencing it for yourself.
So come and give it a go and Discover the Power of You!
Tracy Ward; Your Catalyst for Change